How Being a Mom Helps Me As An Estate Planning Attorney
Today, I write this post in grief because I found out that a former colleague and friend passed away, leaving behind her husband and her six year old son. This sadness is so utterly palpable and profound because it is a fear that many parents of young children have and it is a scenario I discuss frequently as an Estate Planning attorney. I have been rocked to my core in agony for her family and also for all of the future memories that cancer has stolen away from them. I have been meaning to write a post on this topic for months, but kept getting sidetracked and in this moment, I decided that I finally feel ready.
As anyone will tell you, being a mom is not easy.. It requires empathy, understanding, patience, the ability to multitask, plan ahead, and truly feel both the joys and the pains that your family experiences. Being a attorney requires professionalism, attention to detail, and knowledge of the law. Though frequently overlooked and not practiced by many, I also believe that being a good lawyer means having (and using) the skills to counsel your clients through difficult situations that they may not have thought about or that bring up very deep seated anxieties, fears, and questions. The overlap of these roles as a mom and a lawyer has truly enabled me to be the most effective Estate Planning attorney I can be.
Estate Planning is a field that is, by its essence, very personal as it requires clients and their attorneys to discuss their deepest wishes, which may need to be fleshed out with care. A good Estate Planning attorney takes the time to get to know their clients, gaining their trust, then drawing out this vital information. Most of the time, I have to bring up scenarios that the clients have not considered, give them time to process, and also guide them through what to consider so they can make a fully informed decision. I have first hand experience seeing the consequences of a hastily thrown together Estate Plan, which motivates me to make sure the process for every client is thorough.
As a mom, I think in many timelines: short, medium, and long term. As an Estate Planning attorney focused on comprehensive planning, I have to do the same thing. For the majority of my clients, we don’t expect anything to happen to them anytime soon. Nonetheless, our plan needs to address their goals if something were to unexpectedly occur. We also need to consider long term goals, which may mean giving thought to hypothetical and theoretical dynamics. It may take some mental leaps for clients whose children are infants to consider what their wishes would be if their child was an adult or their child had their own children, but we work through this together. (Note that it is prudent to review your Estate Plan periodically to ensure that it still fits your wishes. I recommend looking it over once every three years or when there is a significant life change or family dynamic shift.)
We always keep tissues and bottled water in the office because as a mom, I know that we may be talking for quite some time and also that we may broach subjects that can be painful to talk about. Sometimes we may be discussing the sad reasons that motivated the client to get their Estate Planning done, we may be thinking about situations that they fear, bringing up difficult family dynamics, or we may just have a really special connection with each other. Being a mom teaches me to be prepared to validate my clients’ emotions and help them through as appropriate to them. It means a lot for clients to open up about these topics because it allows us to ensure the plan covers everything and that they can have the emotional support they may be missing in this crazy and fast moving world.
Lastly, as a mom, I understand that my clients’ children or grandchildren can be a source of their greatest joy. Clients will regularly show me pictures of their family members and I have pictures of my family up in the office. I love seeing their eyes light up when they talk about new developments in their young child or about their young adult family member’s newest accomplishment. I also welcome my clients’ children to our appointments as I understand that finding childcare may not be easy. In those cases, I am sure to use euphemisms for terms that may be uncomfortable for the child to hear and make myself available for questions after our meetings since my clients may have missed something or forgotten to ask a question while tending to their child. It is so fun to see my clients’ kids too and share about local family resources that may be helpful for them, whether it be preschool recommendations, events coming up, or anything else.
I feel blessed that I am able to serve my clients with such important planning, ensuring that we take things step by step, and collaborate to create a customized and comprehensive plan. I know that many people are hesitant to speak to lawyers because they are worried that lawyers won’t be relatable and it will be a stressful or scary experience. I try my best to help my clients to understand the decisions we are making, give them peace of mind, and develop a long term relationship where they feel comfortable to come to me should they have future inquiries or needs. Being a mom has really afforded me the ability to understand what my clients may be feeling, given me the experience to address their needs in a manner that resonates with them, and bring the personal touches and love to this process.